Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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