Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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