Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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