yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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