I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
