Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
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