i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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