We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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