Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
