I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
