Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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