peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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