every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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