New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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