When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
