is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
