Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Of course I have a pirate flag
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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