He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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