White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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