I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
