I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize