State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
