i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
