You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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