i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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