brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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