could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
