I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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