i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
