1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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