would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
