I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
