if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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