I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
