Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
be right there i have to get my cape
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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