She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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