I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
