it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
