She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
