Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize