ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
They have beer where we have blood.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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