1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
