Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
