I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
