I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize