Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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