Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
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