the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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