I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You can't special order awesome
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
