All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
