The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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