I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
