I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
