Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
