no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
