I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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