I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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