I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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