I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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