Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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