standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
