that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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