Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
