people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
