I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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