Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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