Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
