I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
