wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize