Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
