My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
